Everyone knows how much I love rock climbing. Not just for its physicality, but also its mental stimulation and opportunities to be outside in nature. Climbing also brings out the worst in me. The negative self talk; the anxiety and panic attacks; shortness of breath; physiological shut down and dissociation (just to name a few!). It is the type of exposure that perpetuates the core belief that I do not feel safe in my own mind and body. I have trouble trusting in my own capabilities across all areas of my life; and from that, I have trouble trusting in other relationships and the world in general. Not feeling safe in myself is almost like the genesis of absolutely every other mental health struggle that has been thrown into my life.

In a recent article from The Mighty, 17 'Habits' of People With Anxiety From Complex Trauma, shares a series of experiences from different readers who are known as trauma survivors. Vitche (2019) defines "complex trauma as the exposure to traumatic experiences over long periods of time, often during childhood. In some cases, complex trauma leads to mental health struggles like anxiety, depression and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD)." That sense of having no safety in one's self comes up again and again.

Psychological trauma is one field of study growing rapidly, and is grounded in theory and research stemming from psychology, psychotherapy and neuroscience. Prolonged trauma, such as childhood abuse and neglect, can affect brain development and functioning; emotional regulation; and cognitive and behavioural responses- specifically those that 

relate to the stress response circuits in the brain (Van der Kolk, 2015). Without diving too far into this jargon, the mind is essentially in constant alert for threat and danger- after years of living in this state, you can imagine how easy it would be to not trust in yourself and the rest of the fucking world. Suicide ideation, depression and anxiety are all symptoms of this simple little core concept. 

Now, I do not believe I would ever get to a point in my professional career, where I can confidently say that I am a mental health expert. What I do know is that I am becoming an expert in my own experiences. In the process of desperately learning about what was happening to me, and finding ways to cope, I have come to slowly develop as a practitioner with some knowledge to impart. Lived experience of mental illness has been a powerful story worth telling, but some of that narrative has simply been too hard to put in words. Thankfully, I am getting close to finding more answers that fit the questions. As my self awareness grows, my ability to notice and avoid these mental rabbit holes gets better and better.

Interestingly enough now, climbing is becoming an curious space not unlike exposure therapy- a great sandbox for me to dig up these feelings and thoughts, and exercise the skills that regulate my mind and body. I would never say that this applies to anyone else, and no this is NOT an endorsement as an alternative therapy to C-PTSD or any mental health issue- Hell nah! The take away points I intended are the awareness this builds, the understanding of something new, and the hope it may instil for those who need to hear it. ​

The brain is one of the most fascinating things in our known universe. 
The growth in neuroscience and psychology has allowed us to understand our brains as a complex network of mental operations. The brain is the core in our ability to shift stimuli into interpretation and then experience. Our minds contribute to the organisation of our physical selves, our sense of self-identity, our family and relationships to community. The squidgey, squishy, heavy blob up in there, the thing that determines your very own consciousness, deserves to be taken care of.

Our minds are no longer understood as lonely islands in a vast abyss of nothingness. It is the middlemost team player to our inner and outer bodies. We are one whole network, which draws out the need to be holistic in the way we understand and care for ourselves. "Since mental health and physical health can no longer be compartmentalized as areas addressed by specialists, psychotherapists need to understand the mind-brain-body feedback loops" (Dr. John Arden, 2018). Take care of the body to take care of the mind, and vice versa. 

While early development and childhood experiences shape the way our brain functions and responds, it also has the ability to adapt and change over time. 'What we encounter and how we respond to the world changes our brains, immune systems, and even turns on or off genes' (Dr. John Arden, 2018). In the world of psychotherapy, this part about being able to change is key. Neuroplasticity, or the science in our ability to rewire our brain (to put a whole scientific field in the smallest of nutshells), brings incredible hope for those who live with mental health problems.

When I talk about cultivating good mental health and what it means to be living well, or with vitality, the language I have used over the years has evolved substantially. My schools of thought continue to be challenged, questioned and re-arranged. I keep learning, re-learning and practicing. Key themes emerge in my research into different fields of theory and practices about mental health, environmental health, and modern ways of living. Each time, it brings me back to iterations centred on the importance of restoring balance in day-to-day life; and the power of re-connecting with ourselves and the world around us. 

Four key sources of "data" are changing my language right now; and ultimately helping me in my own awareness of living with purpose and meaning (a classic 'practice what you preach' kind of moment!). The bigger picture that motivates me are the opportunities in how taking care of our own physical and mental health, can be beneficial to the health of our communities, and to the health of our planet. May you find curiosity with these insights, as much as I am. 

A timely conversation with Echo Creative...
The re-emerging idea about re-connection has fascinated me for some time, more so following an in-depth conversation with the great minds at Echo Creative. Their philosophy is underpinned by the cultivation of 'conscious living' and the holistic practices towards health and wellness. Their views are informed by different cultural and historic philosophies whereby our state of health extends beyond the modern framework of mind-body-spirit, to the mind-body-spirit-land-tribe-ancestry (Echo Creative, 2019). This concept is derived from many indigenous peoples around the world, and more commonly coined as 'the long body'. From this perspective, personal health and well being transforms into a matter of  environmental and social care. 

"If we consider this to be deeper than a simple metaphor, then a true holistic approach towards health involves more than just caring for your “Self”. Environmental care becomes synonymous with health care, and positively contributing to our social context can create a state of wholeness. The long body perspective opens many opportunities to be explored within the field of health."

On Lost Connections...
From a completely different perspective and source,  Johann Hari (2018) posited that the causes of depression in current society are deeply rooted in people's disconnection to other people; in meaningful work; values; the natural world; a secure future; and the health of our own bodies due to the over-reliance of modern medicines. The antidotes are simple (yet can be complex in practice): to reconnect with each of these arenas. When we restore balance in these areas, we find grander meaning and purpose, we find meaning in the moments, and we can recover and heal.

Values are like a compass. We use them to make choices in how we want to move and keep track of where we are going (Harris, 2009). Even in desperate situations, we have choices in being able to remain curious and open about what is important. Connecting with core values lead to meaningful action and decision making. Taking the time to clarify what is important, and reminding ourselves why we do what we do, can offer stability and reassurance in the face of uncertainties. There are two stories I would like to share in this article; one with a wonderful young man I encountered and the other being a personal experience. Each reveals a learning about the importance of knowing our values, and the compass that steers us towards meaningful work and purposeful living. 
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The first story happens with a young man fumbling in his own darkness of drug and alcohol dependence. Needless to say, there was and remains to still be a lot of grief, pain and healing that needs to be done. After a few months into his recovery and a few weeks out of hospital, he started a beginners course in deep sea diving. He had always wanted to try doing something adventurous and different. It was a small token of celebration to himself for getting out of rehab. After sitting through theory classes for weeks, a described his first ocean dives as other-worldly, incredible and 'amazing since there are no dickheads there'. His face lit up giddy with excitement and awe when he tells his story about befriending a giant blue groper. The people he was meeting were chilled, laid back, fun and honest. More importantly, they were some of the first people he was socialising with who were not in his drugs network and unaware of what he was going through.

During his course and on each dive he completed, the instructors would expect the trainees to collect a bag of rubbish from the bottom of the ocean. With that task, he then took himself to start volunteering at the local national park participating in conservation and preservation weekends. He was able to recognise the possibility of giving back and the opportunities of pursuing more of this in his life. The environment meant something to him. Contact with nature meant something to him. Adventure meant something to him. This was all important to him.

The second story holds a mirror to myself and being honest in the midst of what feels like a mini crisis. In short, I am steering my career choices in a new direction and with that brings uncertainty.  In the face of uncertainty, I seem to easily ​​conjure up self-doubt, self-loathing,

We all know the power of a story, and the ability for language to shape a reality- your own reality.  We seek meaning from daily experiences that weave the stories about our lives. We do so in order to make sense of our encounters, to draw connections and patterns, or form key plots to the grander narrative. Often there might be multiple stories happening at the same time. Different perspectives are developed about ourselves, our abilities, adversities and dreams. These very stories that we tell ourselves influence the way we  forge meaning. 

When you want to try something new, or faced with uncertainty and change, what is the story that you tell yourself? Do these messages have bearing over your choices and actions, or even inaction and procrastination? Does this narrative reap havoc with your emotions?  Each of us have the capacity to handle sensible doses of fear and anxiety using healthy internal resources. Discovering and developing strategies that build our ability to challenge those unbalanced stories is incredibly important. 

At times, the stories we tell ourselves bring out the best in us, but more often than not, the stories we carry with us can be unbalanced and even damaging. The weighted, skewed and dull narratives can make us feel complacent, unworthy and afraid. These stories govern our behaviour and reactivity, culminating into grand rules and assumptions to live by. For instance, if you grow up with constant criticism, the story that may be told is that 'perfection is the only answer'. One of the most damaging of all comes from the belief that 'I am not enough'. Punitive parenting often raise people-pleasing adults who believe: 'if I don't make everyone happy, then no one will love me'. These stories are dangerous as they become decree to the way some choose to act in their lives.  Over time anxieties, fears and the general idea of failure, can become detrimental to meaning within the self.

​In Narrative Therapy (NT), people are placed as the experts in their own lives and views problems as separate to the person. The NT model of psychology also assumes an inner ability and power- that humans have capacity,