Circle of Influence.

Over the past few years, I discovered the importance of value-driven actions and decisions. In the efforts to truly focus on my own mental health recovery, I realised my life needed little changes with significant impact. It was not so much about making drastic gestures, but rather reducing the white noise around me- removing variables that did not have a positive effect to my well being. Stephen Covey (1992) defines proactive as “being responsible for our own lives….our behaviour is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. Proactive people focus on issues within".  It is about placing focus on issues within your Circle of Influence. Working on things you can do something about.  I know it might sound really straight forward or even preachy to many people, but all I can preface is that it can be immensely helpful to reflect on what you have control over, and what is adding value to your life. 
​
For me it began with the removing the most obvious and unhelpful behaviours that were within my complete control- no more drugs and partying. In particular millennial subcultures refusing alcohol, and even "lightweight" drugs, was like being "allergic to fun". As an impressionable young woman with a smorgasbord of insecurities, I didn't want to be allergic to fun. However, I learned my psychological limits during this time. A few hours of highs almost always followed a week of fluctuating depression, overwhelm, anxiety and even suicide ideations. I have to say in hindsight, some of those days were pretty brutal, and yet so bloody avoidable if I just simply chose differently. After deciding to be a "boring"/sober/non-party person, I stayed home more, turned down festivals and raves, and resided myself to quieter interactions with only close friends. The Fear Of Missing Out simply disappeared once I knew the impact it had on my health.

​Slowly, I found myself with more time on my hands to do other things like climbing, painting and focusing on my career. I was well 

and truly doing things closely in line with my values. I also started to have more capacity to connect with different people. Making positive changes within my circle of influence got a lot easier.

The life of someone with mental health problems sometimes means having to be just a little more vigilant and disciplined, and a little bit "boring" in order to be happy and healthy.  If a good night's sleep every night; or a multi-pitch climb up a 100m cliff; or a bubble war with nieces and nephews counts as mundane and valueless, then there is certainly something wrong with this picture. Boring is subjective and that is okay. For now, those value-driven actions have fostered so much meaning and purpose in my own life.

There are times when we are not able to practice being value-driven. Experiences and circumstances may keep us from feeling like we have any control or influence. For those moments, we can only try to accept what cannot be controlled, and aim for more learning and new perspectives- To re-frame our suffering or pain, and to practice gratitude for what still remains. 

What is important to you? What are the things in your life that are within your Circle of Influence? Are your actions driven by, and in line with your values? What are you grateful for? ​