Finding a sense of safety in your own mind and body...

The single most important issue for traumatised people is to find a sense of safety in their own bodies- Bessel van der Kolk

Everyone knows how much I love rock climbing. Not just for its physicality, but also its mental stimulation and opportunities to be outside in nature. Climbing also brings out the worst in me. The negative self talk; the anxiety and panic attacks; shortness of breath; physiological shut down and dissociation (just to name a few!). It is the type of exposure that perpetuates the core belief that I do not feel safe in my own mind and body. I have trouble trusting in my own capabilities across all areas of my life; and from that, I have trouble trusting in other relationships and the world in general. Not feeling safe in myself is almost like the genesis of absolutely every other mental health struggle that has been thrown into my life.

In a recent article from The Mighty, 17 'Habits' of People With Anxiety From Complex Trauma, shares a series of experiences from different readers who are known as trauma survivors. Vitche (2019) defines "complex trauma as the exposure to traumatic experiences over long periods of time, often during childhood. In some cases, complex trauma leads to mental health struggles like anxiety, depression and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD)." That sense of having no safety in one's self comes up again and again.

Psychological trauma is one field of study growing rapidly, and is grounded in theory and research stemming from psychology, psychotherapy and neuroscience. Prolonged trauma, such as childhood abuse and neglect, can affect brain development and functioning; emotional regulation; and cognitive and behavioural responses- specifically those that 

relate to the stress response circuits in the brain (Van der Kolk, 2015). Without diving too far into this jargon, the mind is essentially in constant alert for threat and danger- after years of living in this state, you can imagine how easy it would be to not trust in yourself and the rest of the fucking world. Suicide ideation, depression and anxiety are all symptoms of this simple little core concept. 

Now, I do not believe I would ever get to a point in my professional career, where I can confidently say that I am a mental health expert. What I do know is that I am becoming an expert in my own experiences. In the process of desperately learning about what was happening to me, and finding ways to cope, I have come to slowly develop as a practitioner with some knowledge to impart. Lived experience of mental illness has been a powerful story worth telling, but some of that narrative has simply been too hard to put in words. Thankfully, I am getting close to finding more answers that fit the questions. As my self awareness grows, my ability to notice and avoid these mental rabbit holes gets better and better.

Interestingly enough now, climbing is becoming an curious space not unlike exposure therapy- a great sandbox for me to dig up these feelings and thoughts, and exercise the skills that regulate my mind and body. I would never say that this applies to anyone else, and no this is NOT an endorsement as an alternative therapy to C-PTSD or any mental health issue- Hell nah! The take away points I intended are the awareness this builds, the understanding of something new, and the hope it may instil for those who need to hear it. ​

For more information on Trauma, check out any work by Bessel van der Kolk, especially his book, 'The Body Keeps The Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma' and The Blue Knot Foundation: www.blueknot.org.au
Support is available for anyone who is feeling distressed:
Lifeline Hotline: 13 11 14 | www.lifeline.org.au
Mensline:  1300 789 978
Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800
eheadspace | eheadspace.org.au 
beyondblue | www.beyondblue.org.au
Talk to your local GP to discuss mental health plans and next steps.