The story you tell yourself.

"Your story is what you have, what you will always have. It is something to own."
​- Michelle Obama

We all know the power of a story, and the ability for language to shape a reality- your own reality.  We seek meaning from daily experiences that weave the stories about our lives. We do so in order to make sense of our encounters, to draw connections and patterns, or form key plots to the grander narrative. Often there might be multiple stories happening at the same time. Different perspectives are developed about ourselves, our abilities, adversities and dreams. These very stories that we tell ourselves influence the way we  forge meaning. 

When you want to try something new, or faced with uncertainty and change, what is the story that you tell yourself? Do these messages have bearing over your choices and actions, or even inaction and procrastination? Does this narrative reap havoc with your emotions?  Each of us have the capacity to handle sensible doses of fear and anxiety using healthy internal resources. Discovering and developing strategies that build our ability to challenge those unbalanced stories is incredibly important. 

At times, the stories we tell ourselves bring out the best in us, but more often than not, the stories we carry with us can be unbalanced and even damaging. The weighted, skewed and dull narratives can make us feel complacent, unworthy and afraid. These stories govern our behaviour and reactivity, culminating into grand rules and assumptions to live by. For instance, if you grow up with constant criticism, the story that may be told is that 'perfection is the only answer'. One of the most damaging of all comes from the belief that 'I am not enough'. Punitive parenting often raise people-pleasing adults who believe: 'if I don't make everyone happy, then no one will love me'. These stories are dangerous as they become decree to the way some choose to act in their lives.  Over time anxieties, fears and the general idea of failure, can become detrimental to meaning within the self.

​In Narrative Therapy (NT), people are placed as the experts in their own lives and views problems as separate to the person. The NT model of psychology also assumes an inner ability and power- that humans have capacity,

 skills, competencies, beliefs, values and commitments to influence and reduce the impact problems can have on our lives (Dulwich Centre, 2018). Central to NT is exploring the self through storytelling; and re-interpreting or to 're-authoring' the story that we tell ourselves.  This reinforces our ability to forge and assign new meaning to adversity, grief, loss and failing. 
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We change our relationship to fear, trauma and anxiety as we bring awareness to the most dangerous assumptions  and rules we place on ourselves- the narratives about us that inhibit healthier core beliefs.  In every heartbreaking/failure/shit-kicking story is a chance for a redemptive message. Language can mould and remould our meaning, and the interpretation of our experience. Re-defining our stories may occur at an emotional/ spiritual level (e.g. I became at one with the universe) (Frankly, 1969), or it may mean setting new goals and reconstructing a sense of self that incorporates negative experiences (Hooyman & Kramer, 2006). ​Over time, story telling can lead to discovering new meaning, experiencing hope and achievement, and in giving back to others or giving in to something greater than yourself.

​It can also be far more subtle and profound. Simply, the story you re-authored and tell yourself is that you are enough.